Your Friend Isn't Really Family Until: The 12 Levels of Being Gross

A friend isn’t really family until you’ve hit all the levels of grossness. Somewhere in between ugly laughing till your stomachs hurt and getting some dirt on them when they were drunk so they can never leave you, a beautiful friendship began. If you’ve hit all these levels, your best friend is literally your fam and they aren’t going anywhere.  

Level 1: All sorts of pics.

When your best friend feels so comfortable that she forgets what boundaries are and shows you her new bae’s dick pics.

Level 2: Ugly napping together.

That day you were both betrayed by your holy act when you tried to take a 20 minute nap, and then woke up 8 hours later confused as to what century you’re in.

Level 3: Farting.

The first one came as an accident and from then on you’re just like, fuck it.

Level 4: Deep dark secrets.

Literally no convo is off limits, “you put it in where??”

Level 5: Ugly Crying.

You start crying about something and your poor friend tries to hold back her laughter as you start leaking fluids from every opening on your face and you look so gross and it just gets uglier (funnier).

Level 6: Same Period Cycles.

Of course the next day you get your period and you’re like, I knew I wasn’t a weak ass bitch.

Level 7: Ugly Drunk Crying.

Ugly crying except 100x worse. This stage involves when you and your best friend consume copious amounts of alcohol and you start crying like a little bitch, “But I missss hiiim” *Cue ugly drunk crying* Definitely a face only family can love. 

Level 8: You a ratchet hoe.

You’re out, the tequila has hit and suddenly you have chemistry with everyone…the bartender, the bodyguard, drunk nice strangers in the bathroom, your selectively social nature is way gone along with your filter and self-restraint. Your poor friend watches as you hit on a guy who looks like Chewbacca and start doing your “seductive” moves.

Level 9: It gets worse.

You already fucked up but then you hear someone say shots so your body resurrects. The alcohol has hit full force and your ratchet song comes on - you think you look sexy as you make seductive eyes at the guy at the bar when in reality you look like Lil Wayne.

You’re also moments away from texting fuckboy that ruined your life.

Level 10: NomNomNom. Ugly drunk eating.

As the night winds down you start to feel like you would literally give up oral sex if someone would hand you a pizza at this very moment. You and your best leave the club in search of food. You’re an actual gorilla in heat looking savage AF.

Level 11: Head in the toilet.

The moment when you forced your friend to take all those shots and now you’re trying to play it cool like she’s not dying.

Level 12: Waking up after a night of drinking.

You wake up dehydrated AF and realize that you forgot to bring water to bed so now you have to find some asap so you don’t die. You’ve never looked scarier and your best friend is there to witness all your beauty. TBH at this level you’re literally family and you’ll be friends for life whether you like it or not.

Plus, like, you've already revealed too many secrets when you were drunk so you don’t really have a choice. *wink*

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Anna Bashkova

Blogger from NYC.

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